On Social Anxiety

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We all have it. Sorry, it’s not just you and you’re not as unique as you might think (at least not in this way). That’s the main point: social anxiety is the voice in our head that tells us we’re unique in our awkwardness, faux pas, and blunders. Sure, maybe there’s some truth here but it’s more self-fulling as opposed to objective and unanimous, even though that voice again would beg to differ.

A main feature of social anxiety is the internal voice of expectation telling you that you should be different. Once this ball is rolling, you’re relating more to your own internal voice than the voices of the people who you’re supposedly relating to. If only the cycle could be broken. Just be yourself they say. But how am I not myself? Yes, exactly! 

Here’s a conversation about social anxiety that you might find helpful. Perhaps we can have one too.

Rethinking "Attachment Style"→

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In response to:

https://www.vox.com/even-better/23581174/attachment-styles-explain-anxious-avoidant-secure

Attachment style is frequently broken down into three categories- secure, anxious and avoidant. However, these are merely behaviors that we observe from the outside. We typically see a person being avoidant or anxious, the secure ones don’t usually register or are interpreted as avoidant by the more anxious person. If we dig a little deeper, I propose that there are really only two attachment styles- anxious and less anxious (these styles are not binary, they exist along a continuum). The person who we observe as having avoidant behaviors is just as anxious, however, they have unconsciously disavowed that anxiety and found their own “solution” in avoidant behaviors. Avoidant and anxious are just two sides of the same coin. The anxious person feels as though they need the other present, visible, constantly communicating in order to feel okay. The avoidant person feels as though they need their independence, autonomy, hobbies outside the relationship in order to feel okay. The commonality is feeling “not okay” (anxious). At their core, both are reconning with existential anxiety. The anxious person is convinced that without the other person, they will cease to exist. The avoidant person is equally convinced that they will be controlled, smothered, enveloped and lose their independence and autonomy to the extent that their own existence is threatened. Both narratives are rooted in personal experience and feel real but aren’t accurate representations of reality. So let me ask you this: For the so called anxious person, will you cease to exist if they don’t return your call or text? And for the avoidant person, will you not be okay if you can’t watch that football game?

NPR Podcast on Psychotherapy

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If you're wondering about the difference between Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and traditional talk therapy, this NPR podcast on psychotherapy is enlightening. It discusses the importance and relevance of traditional talk therapy in the modern world. The psychologist interviewed engages in a heated debate with a CBT therapist, arguing against the commodification of therapy; traditionally a deeply personal, human to human modality of healing.

I post this article because the main guest/author works very similarly to how I work with my patients. I think it provides the listener with an approximation of what can be expected in our work together. I would add to the conversation between the two discussants that depression, anxiety and all mental health symptoms are born within relationships and therefore can only be healed within relationships. CBT views the relationship as an encumbrance to efficacy.

I hope you can glean something of value from the conversation.

LISTEN HERE