In response to:
https://www.vox.com/even-better/23581174/attachment-styles-explain-anxious-avoidant-secure
Attachment style is frequently broken down into three categories- secure, anxious and avoidant. However, these are merely behaviors that we observe from the outside. We typically see a person being avoidant or anxious, the secure ones don’t usually register or are interpreted as avoidant by the more anxious person. If we dig a little deeper, I propose that there are really only two attachment styles- anxious and less anxious (these styles are not binary, they exist along a continuum). The person who we observe as having avoidant behaviors is just as anxious, however, they have unconsciously disavowed that anxiety and found their own “solution” in avoidant behaviors. Avoidant and anxious are just two sides of the same coin. The anxious person feels as though they need the other present, visible, constantly communicating in order to feel okay. The avoidant person feels as though they need their independence, autonomy, hobbies outside the relationship in order to feel okay. The commonality is feeling “not okay” (anxious). At their core, both are reconning with existential anxiety. The anxious person is convinced that without the other person, they will cease to exist. The avoidant person is equally convinced that they will be controlled, smothered, enveloped and lose their independence and autonomy to the extent that their own existence is threatened. Both narratives are rooted in personal experience and feel real but aren’t accurate representations of reality. So let me ask you this: For the so called anxious person, will you cease to exist if they don’t return your call or text? And for the avoidant person, will you not be okay if you can’t watch that football game?
